Say It Ain’t So, BO

I’m not a Republican. But I can’t figure out why it’s a good thing for a President to make a video plea for all African-American voters to turn out and support him.

I know! It can’t be true, right? He’d never dare suggest anything like, “we blacks all have to stick together.” That would be divisive. Anti-American, even. I mean, this is the Great Melting Pot, where we are to be defined not by the color of our skin, but by the content of our character. But here’s the video, and it’s The Man himself, his own face, his own words, his own website:

President’s Video

If a white candidate filmed a video like that, asking for all Caucasian folks to support him, he’d be hooted down for the racist bigot he is. “We whites have to stick together” would be a disgusting and intolerable message. Some might rightly respond to that by saying, “They’re gonna have y’all back in chains.”

Two Lost Souls Pass in the Night

Yes, that picture atop “The Media Room” website is indeed our own media room. A custom man-cave with eight La-Z-Boy recliners on two tiers, large plasma HD mounted on the wall, 5.1 Surround Sound, Blu-Ray player and a collection of over 550 movies. Oh, and a popcorn machine.

Last night, I felt embarrassed or sad or conflicted about all my comforts and good fortune. I was walking out of a McDonald’s when I locked eyes with a young woman sitting in the dark on the restaurant’s patio (if McDonald’s can be called a restaurant). She looked about 30, clean, well-groomed. She smiled at me and said, “Are you going to ask me to leave?”

No, I was just going to my car.

“Because I was just about to leave. Don’t worry.” Her voice was husky and rough, like a longtime smoker.

“It’s OK.” As I walked away, she continued talking about god knows what, and I instantly realized she was homeless and not completely right in the head. And it made me uncontrollably sad.

This wasn’t a grubby bearded alcoholic old man wearing four sets of tattered clothes pushing a shopping cart. This was a nice-looking young woman who had no place to live, no one to turn to, perhaps a mental issue, and all she wanted to do was sit outside a McDonald’s in the questionable safety of a dim light. And if someone said she had to leave, she would.

And I was driving home to a media room with eight La-Z-Boy recliners and a popcorn machine. What do we do? Bring them all into the warmth of our homes? Hand them a few bucks? What?

I did nothing. I thought about it all the way home and felt sad and almost wept. And I did nothing. Damn me all to hell.


It’s Happiness Happens Month!

I’m David Cunningham with your KPTZ news update, and here’s what’s happening. It’s Wednesday, August First, and that means today marks the beginning of World Breastfeeding Week, National Catfish Month, Get Ready for Kindergarten Month and Happiness Happens Month. Seriously. We are not making any of this up.

And do not make fun of Happiness Happens Month. Last week, we here at KPTZ took a light approach to our report on a Port Townsend event in connection with World Breastfeeding Month, which unleashed a flood of angry callers, and both were unhappy with our cavalier attitude.

So it is with the utmost seriousness that we report that in 1998, the Secret Society of Happy People declared August 8th as Happiness Happens Day. In August 2000, the society expanded its celebration to be a month-long event, and we quote from the society’s website, “so that you can celebrate whatever day is convenient.”

August also is Cataract Awareness Month, Peach Month, Motorsports Awareness Month, and What Will Be Your Legacy Month. Seriously.

We report all this in tribute to KPTZ co-founder Ann Katezenbach, who regularly began or ended her newscasts with tidbits like the fact that Monday was National Cheesecake Day. Ann soon will be leaving Port Townsend to spend her golden years under the golden sun-shiny skies of Arizona, and we will miss her. Seriously.